| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2009; 10:24 am] |
| [ | Pick Me Out |
| | Valparaiso, In | ] |
| [ | Scale Rating |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Chameleon Boy," Blue October | ] |
ive forgotten the importance of this tool, coping mechanism, chaos. . . whatever you care to call it.
its almost daunting. i think of where i was, and expect myself to come up with something new. i thinks this might be my answer for moving forward through things and taking it easy. my electronic love affair.
some sort of stability when i swear all they need to do is lock me away. the secrets not even my therapist can seem to harness.
i vow to make this something used. . . im all talk. i cant commit to anything firmly. im such a fucking flake. |
|
|
| Repercussions |
[Oct. 13th, 2008; 11:44 am] |
some great
heightened sense of security.
wait. . .
for the time when you can
look under that pink umbrella.
stretched out for miles
i can grasp the concept
when you speak in whispers,
like there was nothing
to say.
somewhere beneath this rust
is a trainwreck of ideas
waiting for the first drop
of e x e c u t i o n.
some great
heightened sense of lunacy
is waiting to dip
into that syringe. |
|
|
| fingernail polish |
[Jun. 15th, 2007; 01:09 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Friction," Morcheeba | ] |
streetlight serenade to
c a t a p u l t
unseen spectacles into
the reverie of
tonight. . . [it]
seems you were gorgeous,
dont be concerned//flattered.
low moans
beneath our hands
justify our existence. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2007; 09:43 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Ruiner," Nine Inch Nails | ] |
blades for teeth
in order to suffocate
denounce
r a v a g e and [recoil]
the beneviolence.
metallic eyelids
scrape up the remains
and instill a c.l.o.c.k.w.o.r.k. fear.
serpentine eyes
like disheveled embers
work to segregate bones.
good. bad. bad. worst. it's
the failure
and the breath that keeps the coolest nights warm.
i dont know, so dont you ask. |
|
|
| amongst the miles |
[Jan. 27th, 2006; 10:23 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Teardrop," Massive Attack | ] |
missed your face
the other day
and i feared
that the pages had torn
themselves from the veins
we entangled
purposesly to forget
about the history
we neglected to claim
as our own.
as blind person
staring off, you have
been sought out among the miles
and airplane aisles that
cost the hundreds of dollars
that continuously effect
the progress of my grave.
some moving ending we
thought we could dodge, like
the folding over of our
existence as we once knew it
to be...
be it what you seek out.
ill be the first to admit that i miss you... and rather betrayed, in a certain sense, and only when pertaining to a certain instance. i would love to be your renewed sense of worth, but i cant bring myself to ever speak of these things. i just think you acknowledge it somewhere that you keep hidden, due to boundaries. |
|
|
| Decapitated Vowels |
[Oct. 21st, 2005; 10:27 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Yulunga," Dead Can Dance | ] |
white sheets caked on from every angle;
&
the tickertape quietly burns, while the opaque
residue steadily sifts through
the enduced gases.
disintigrating remnants of tissues
fall from the heaviest of containers.
and press here, to sign your
life away. . .
so that softly the incoherent moans
can be heard through speakers
wedged underneath each and every
door.
all-inclusive is the rush of adrenaline
and each paralyzed sense.
ah... schizophrenic ideals. |
|
|
| sunrise and wheatfields |
[Oct. 16th, 2005; 12:18 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "How to Disappear Completely," Radiohead | ] |
deep down
full moon/cresant frontal
vision to sweep
the slightest smoldering ash
from the hollowed
eyes. . .
skipping beats at intervals
intangle the dreams
locked and what
matters,
like the sunset upon
your chin, is
aching to be sought
after.
but
dreams like unopened
eyes wont bring
another day,
unless the stars
pull everything
within reach.
miscellaneous funeral ramblings. six years and counting. . . lets not talk about evening the score anymore. it doesnt matter. forgiveness is key. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2005; 10:31 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Your Misfortune," Mike Doughty | ] |
and while im constantly reminding myself of the priority of this journal, and how i should keep all things tied together, im going to have to separate myself //slightly// for this one.
it should be noted -- as if anyone actually reads this -- that ive started to work on my first book. once i get the files completed as id like them to be, i will most certainly have a link for all to see.
gday. |
|
|
| unwatered |
[Sep. 17th, 2005; 09:30 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Come Downstairs and Say Hello," Guster | ] |
street lights fall apart
across the boar's crossing.
make sure you leave
some for the time
after you
draw conclusions from a blank
face
me when you speak
and look before
trying to grasp
onto the drip-dropping
state of unconsciousness.
words fall with the eyes,
and sometimes the flowers
shudder in the
bright light...
what would you know about
now, when the facetious
comments got you nowhere?
i miss california... and even more, ill admit, i miss his face and voice. i wish things wouldve been better between the both of us. maybe itll change, eventually. i dont know. im too out-of-it to know. |
|
|
| playing for kills |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005; 01:19 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Teenage Dirtbag," Wheatus | ] |
exhaling sickening-sweet;
breakup and arms over necks. . .
watching the rhythm
counteract the screeching
television,
one waited and pleaded.
grab the sunscreen
and look in this direction,
like youve been
well_aqquainted. youve
been inbetween
twisted legs and
well call a draw.
oh, you shouldnt be
so harsh on those little
organisms swimming
in secrecy.
i may be easy. or i may not care. . . i think it's both, because i never have luck. aesthetics and a good personality? well, i ain't perfect. sorry. i won't be your model, but i'll be your buddy. |
|
|
| entitled to ideals |
[Apr. 9th, 2005; 11:05 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "#41," Dave Matthews Band | ] |
ecstatic dancing grin,
one would hope to remember
the day history turned. . .
for the better
ideals in mind, & wishing
all the best
for every adventure,
youll spy the memoires
ive held in secrecy.
one day, i will write you. nothing fantastic, but it will catch you past your guard when im something of the wind. |
|
|
| # twentyfour9three-5 |
[Apr. 7th, 2005; 03:55 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Blindfold," Morcheeba | ] |
the leading roles, we portrayed --
squares bound
against the frozen silouhette
while the sun danced
and passed
like the a m b u l a n c e
to that scene.
desperate to fall
//into each other//. |
|
|
| pastel x's |
[Apr. 7th, 2005; 03:53 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Prison Sex," TOOL | ] |
lock down the doors;
hover in the corner. . .
the dark, lone wolf is
huffing the fumes of blood
in the hallways,
satisfied with way it shines
upon the blade. |
|
|
| shine 'em |
[Apr. 7th, 2005; 03:50 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Let's Have a War," A Perfect Circle | ] |
grab your glue
and ill pretend to be fatigued.
slurp up your confidence,
and hand it over. . .
s h a r p s h o o t i n g grenade launcher,
make me smile.
in government,
well get them gone.
steve and i have had both government and econ together and its great because anytime we get the chance to, hes always talking to me about his military nonsense that im totally in support of, and i just wish that sometimes we wouldve gotten to know one another better before this year. |
|
|
| coagulated |
[Apr. 7th, 2005; 03:40 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "TKO," Le Tigre | ] |
dragging s e p a r a t e d ends first
in the assembly line where
mocking just
ceases to settle
at eye_level &
courage seeks refuge
beneath the sand,
amongst the spiders. . .
scream for death. |
|
|
| spider's glance |
[Apr. 7th, 2005; 03:38 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Raspberry Swirl," Tori Amos | ] |
toolbelt stripper
deceive the targets
amplified,
like letters. . .
the jelly that seeps
from your
warm lips-
like a finger too
late to grasp the
gun;
but no ones counting.
in the middle east, there are large desert/twig-like spiders. i only thought about them when i was reminded of you in the past. |
|
|
| # two8and nothingmore than9t9 |
[Mar. 21st, 2005; 09:45 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Blue (Bird Shake Mix)," A Perfect Circle | ] |
plexiglas ten-fold waves
strike a chord --
like the ones whispered
underneath the chainsaw rays.
what it would take
to notice that this is where
things began, //i dont know// and
dont you think to resuscitate
this non-existent,
beligerante mind-fuck.
breakbeats have started, & havent
ended. and give up
the turbulent
stars to gain
the forests. . . the uncharted
territory that once
tempted fate and lies.
a desert lies within,
and one step will suffocate
each nerve like splinters
to eyes.
dare to give it a go;
the probabilities in your favor.
sometimes, i don't know why i go the distance to fulfill my dreams. i do so, because i know exactly where i'd like to see myself, and i only figure that after six (and hopefully more) years, that this must be the right thing, because feelings have always been mutual. but now, as things start to boil down to the very end -- as things begin to solidify -- i can only imagine that there's going to be one last bump in the road before i desecrate the distance. . . and all i wish is that the both of us can be happy. i would sacrifice my aspirations for the two of us, so long as i knew that he was going to be forever happy with his situation. yes, id travel and live 2000 miles away, just to catch an occasional glimpse of him smiling with her. i dont think it's permanent -- lord, i hope it's only an idea, but who knows. . . its not even like theyre dating. |
|
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| shattered logs |
[Mar. 7th, 2005; 02:19 pm] |
footfalls and candycoated
acronyms:
distinct recollections under
circumstances
gathered well, near
the ashes...
camouflaged by sight,
and unmistakable by
the trace of a fingertip –
translucent and mediocre,
we are. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2005; 02:18 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Passenger," Deftones | ] |
cash in the flannel
for some titillating exercise.
swinging fists
and words whip through
contaminated air...
saltwater never
wreaked of symbolism,
for you, eh?
its okay; go
get your gun.
how are you supposed to sugarcoat what an abused person goes through? sorry this is so blunt. i had to get some things off of my chest. its not poetic, and im not going to attempt to say it is. |
|
|
| Jesus in the Sand |
[Mar. 7th, 2005; 02:13 pm] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Ponderosa," Tricky | ] |
sugarcoated waltz
in your trenchcoat eyes.
stolen cigarettes for arms;
in your alcoholic smile
refuge is sought without
confirmation. . .
go chase missiles
over skies;
ill be your busy signal.
i wrote it about jason. this man that i met through friends before he left for basic training. we had our nights of fun, as well as our nights of partying. it was just to express the chaotic, ever-changing feelings i had for him when i was frustrated to find that he had forgotten who i was. |
|
|
| # 8one-hundred |
[Feb. 27th, 2005; 12:46 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "3 Libras (Feel My Ice Dub Mix)," A Perfect Circle | ] |
the leading roles, we portrayed --
squares bound
against the frozen silouhette
while the sun danced
and passed
like the a m b u l a n c e
to that scene.
desperate to fall
//into each other//.
tragic. like the last dance. . . there will always be blood shed, it's true. |
|
|
| dandelion |
[Feb. 27th, 2005; 12:37 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Cherry," Smashing Pumpkins | ] |
Eyes of ebony to accompany
smooth skin of ivory.
A melody keeps flowing through
the shallow veins, like water in the streets
when the clouds can’t stop breaking open.
Every moment is sewn to another so well,
like the burgundy hairs that are entwined to make
a perfect pair of braids.
Burgundy; like swollen wounds and
silly, black stitches.
Straight out of Jonas Akerlund’s imagination,
it seems: a girl of surreal perfection.
The papers danced about, and...
"Miss Fortune, with your head held high --
can you come home today and
save the world from drowning in vain?" |
|
|
| night light |
[Feb. 27th, 2005; 12:25 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "The Outsider (Frosted Yogurt Mix)," A Perfect Circle | ] |
sprawled out
as the hope’s been misspent --
compliments of the ceiling fan
as it whirred about
in the middle of the night.
and...
oh dolly, I don’t
think you understand me.
they’re all things free,
and I can’t reach them,
I can’t get the phone to ring
the right way. . .
pick (me) up.
its okay,
I know you won’t.
So it’s back to bed,
as thoughts still run
about in my head:
those little girls,
you’ve got to
clip them, and cut them out
of your mind. those
pulled apart and sewn together sisters –
what were they thinking?
you won't be there for always and for ever,
so, cant a girl get a refund?
and. . .
oh dolly, this is
where you play their
parts because you love me more
and you’ll say,
"...because insanity never looked
like lies, in the eyes
of trust and strength;
they’ve truly forgotten about you." |
|
|
| # four-23 |
[Feb. 27th, 2005; 12:24 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Digital Bath," Deftones | ] |
darkened lips of thunder,
your voice, it blows me away.
and, the covers, we were under...
finding how love goes, and works
as the drip-drop rain falls
from your body, and onto mine in the night.
there was something about the pain,
the lust, and perhaps your might
that kept me high; so intoxicated
your strength was the equivalent of lightning;
eyes like the sky.
and only your ghost is frightening,
when i acknowledge the trees
and hear your voice rustling breeze.
i hadn't thought of the words to end. making words 'fit' was never something i've had an interest in. it only drives me insane. however, what's one to do when they've got an assignment to complete that was given by another? |
|
|
| faceless |
[Feb. 27th, 2005; 12:19 am] |
| [ | Ear Candy |
| | "Svefn-g-englar," Sigur Ros | ] |
electric blender quiet,
just one kiss
burns the building down -- some riot
that sends us into the abyss.
and the trees,
they're standing alone in june
with leaves the color of peas
and nearby flowers colored prune.
your heart of crystal
still lays as evidence, on the bar,
next to the pistol. . .
our first weapon; a guitar,
its how our love was brooded,
or at least that's what we concluded.
something of a spring love affair. while i'd conclude that it's something i've experienced, i'm still not sure if i would have qualified correctly. once upon a time, things occured and i wouldn't have them altered in any way, it's just one more thing to think about when reality comes into play. |
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|
curious